Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Random Thoughts

I used to worry about things so much more than I do now. I guess the therapy is working.

My car was due for inspection in December and I'm driving around with an expired sticker because it burns oil and needs a new catalytic converter which it is not going to get. I don't care.

My engine light has been on for 9 months (that burning oil) - I don't care! Car's driving fine, 60 miles a day.

Toyota did a mega recall? I don't care. I'm buying another Toyota, just not in the recalled years/models. Gotta be some great bargains out there. My respect goes out to the CEO who has apologized profusely and taken personal responsibility for the mess. Just don't go and commit seppuku, Toyoda-san. Fix the problem.

I'm blessed to have a job that I do well, that goes nowhere, and is fairly undemanding right now. And I'm blessed to have a vacation day from it. I'm so glad January and February are relatively slow.

I am worried about getting approved for my mortgage refinance. And yes, I have thoughts about being laid off right after I refinance for a higher mortgage. But I won't be carrying more debt than I can handle. I'm reducing my APR by a point, I can purchase a new-to-me car without a car payment, start rehabbing my condo. I'll be able to pay off stupid credit card debt and repurpose that money to servicing the mortage, and to my retirement fund.

Our culture/media is way too celebrity-struck and there are far too many reality shows on TV. If you feel the need for celebrity worship, try walking into a church (or into a meadow), getting on your knees and worshiping a real God whose power, love and compassion are real, inside you and around you.

Speaking of which, I'm thankful God knocks me upside the head in gentle ways to get my attention. I can get so complacent. Self-doubt is my quicksand. Need, passion, and the desire to change and fix are my fuels. Thanks for the book, The 4-Hour Work Week, God! Thank you for showing me I do have the time!

My biggest problem is aligning/changing the distorted view I have of myself to map with my true character. I don't think of myself as a responsible person, but my deepening relationship with God is exposing this as a lie. I was nominated to be a Vestry member at my church, and after talking with my therapist, I accepted. I said to him, "I don't feel responsible enough." He rolled his eyes. Therapists don't do that.  And I told the member who issued the invitation, " do you know how infrequently I go to church?" Well, that's changing. I'm showing up more. Guess I'll grow into it. And what a great way to learn about the fiscal and property management of a church, and be among a group of other "responsible" people -- lawyers, doctors, financial folk, teachers, parents, musical directors, what all. I still feel like the kid at a grownup gathering.

I was worried my elderly 17-ish cat was going to die until I realized he is old because he is so darn healthy and well cared for! He could die if he were younger too. Now I force a 1/2 tsp of Syn Flex glucosamine complex down his protesting throat to ease his stiff hind leg joints. I take it too LOL. And he gets lots of hugs and pampering while he's still breathing. When he dies, he'll die happy. With supple joints.

If only I could download that Vision Map/Dreamboard software at Oprah.com. Guess I'll try again. Vision mapping is the truth, even if you don't do it with intention. When I realized I almost turned into my naturallycurly.com avatar (Hugh Laurie as the Prince Regent) that's when I changed it to this long, bushy white-haired gal. So much better than a curly wig.


  1. I absolutely love this post! I read every word :) I would think you were talking about me, except for the cat part :)

    My car's check engine light has been on for a few months. Hubby took it to get checked once, and they couldn't find anything wrong with the car, so that was good enough for me. The car is drivable, so I'm driving. Maybe not the best idea, but ... It is so expensive to get every part looked at and complete the tune up it probably needs.

    I've recently made it to Sunday school, first time in a long time. I've been attending church, but it took every effort in this body to be up in time for Sunday school. I think it is a matter of determination and perspective for me, because I sure am up at the crack of dawn to get to work. I need to actually leave God first, and act as though I know it and live by it.

    I have to face my lack of confidence all the time, especially on the site. My dreams and goals are this big and before I step forward to meet them, fear sets in. It has been better lately because I've been taking action regardless of how frightened I feel at times. Action cures fear they say and so it has been for me. Taking action toward starting the line of products soon, challenges at work, marriage and family has really helped to move beyond stagnation.

    I love your new avatar :)

  2. Fleurzty, sounds like you are in a wonderful place! Good for you.

  3. Hey Bush Babe, congrats on your goals and accomplishments. I am thinking that maybe it is a gift that we never feel completely grown up. If we did, we'd be finished. Who wants that? Could you post a recent hair pic? I'm imagining that your color is all grown out but haven't seen the finished result. Thanks!

  4. Hi Jeanne, sorry it took so long to post your comment; I used to get alerts, don't know why they stopped. For photos, I have quite the extensive hair journal up on Fotki


    Click on What's New to see the latest photos.